Considering Divorce?

Marriage is a sacred covenant between two people, committing to a lasting relationship.

In reality, however, couples do invariably encounter some challenging moments in their ongoing efforts to preserve the intimate pledge.

If and when dissolution of marriage has to be considered, it can be construed as a symptom of a rupture causing extreme pain experienced in the relationship.

When faced with these delicate times, it would be important to ponder healing and recovery first and foremost prior to making any major decisions.  I would encourage any couples facing such predicament to re-examine the history they’ve co- created, shared, and communed during the course of their journey together.

Marriage is about making history and each couple has a unique opportunity to do so.

When such process becomes fragmented for whatever reasons, it would be critical for couples to first grieve the loss and heal from it. In the process, a new door could be open to uncover and reclaim personally significant meaning ascribed to each of their unique account.

Whatever the decision thereafter, all couples deserve an ample time to recount and celebrate their unique success achieved together in order to derive the most sensible resolution.

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Be G.L.A.D.

 

Today, we are invited to be GLAD by invoking :

G – one gratitude that you’re thankful for today (being able to see and breathe, having food and water, family and friends, etc.);

L – one new thing you learned today (about yourself or another person, a fact, or a life lesson, new experience);

A – one small accomplishment you did today (e.g. getting more rest, trying something new; lending a hand to a stranger); and

D – one thing of delight that touched you today (e.g. sun rise or sun set, laughter of a child, etc.).

Adopted by the G.L.A.D. Technique, described by Donald Altman in his book The Mindfulness Toolbox

How to Save a Marriage

A couple of weeks ago, I was approached by a colleague who challenged me with the following:

“If you could offer couples only one piece of advice or guidance on how to save their marriage, what would it be?”

As I was pondering upon this question, I had to pause for a moment because every couple is just as unique and individual as every person. No generic solutions would do much justice when it comes to relationship issues.

Though uniquely different, every couple evolves in their relationship as they endure various phases of life. It is not always easy to surmount those challenges which can sometimes result in a seemingly insoluble impasse.

In the course of my work with couples from all walks of life, I have discovered something that seems to be a recurring theme. Many couples do experience relational pain mostly because they are lacking ample knowledge about each other. Irrespective of the number of years they’ve been married or lived together, I am learning with my couples that there’s still a lot more to learn about each other as individuals and as couples.

There’s nothing more painful than not feeling heard, understood, or validated in an intimate relationship with someone we love and care about. Sometimes, familiarity begets apathy. The best antidote to growing callousness is to rekindle curiosity about each other. Surprisingly, many couples have not taken the time to get to know each other more deeply via proactively consistent efforts. More often than not, conflict emerges from not knowing completely which invariably leads to misunderstanding.

As we work together, we are jointly unraveling this shocking mystery. If and when couples are willing to invest necessary time and patience in allowing this process to unfold, a new possibility can transpire. What was once construed as irreconcilable differences could be turned into a transformative opportunity to learn and reconnect at a whole different level of empathy and understanding. This learning process alone can be truly eye-opening for many couples, inviting them to a new chapter of their relationship.

Separation or divorce is a trying experience, however smooth or positive. Its impact can be lifelong and often devastating. Before considering this route, every couple deserves a time to be more openly curious so as to explore novel prospects together.

It is my humble hope that couples may consider alternative perspectives and options prior to making any life-changing decisions.

Additional information and resources can be found HERE.

Wisdom

What exactly is wisdom? 

As for me, wisdom is an amalgamation of intelligence, knowledge, common sense, the vicissitudes of life, as well as the unknown. 

To be wise is to know, to discern, to foresee, and to act on creativity and spontaneity as well as practicality. 

I see wisdom as the culmination of the enigmatic nature and profundity of human life interwoven with various issues and influences (be it genetic, social, psychological, or cultural).

Wisdom sheds light on the existential quandary of our existence, allowing us to evolve as emotional, experiential, and philosophical beings.  It is the ultimate vehicle by which we are empowered to transcend our limited vision and intuitively tune into the world of the inexplicable by knowing how to embrace life and be perfectly okay with its uncertainty. Out of such realm of open-mindedness emerges an aura of peace, serenity, and tranquility of the mind unbound by reality.

Wisdom is not something that can simply be acquired or learned in life but rather molded through various stages of life.  As we experience life at broader and deeper levels, our appreciation for life also deepens, enabling us to see and understand the things we couldn’t before. Every individual experiences life differently which, I think, makes a difference in the level and type of wisdom acquired. People who have experienced more of life might possess greater degrees of insight and wisdom.  It is no surprise to me that the wisest people I met in my life are also those who have overcome and survived some of the greatest tragedies or adversaries in life. In some aspects, I think human suffering begets profound wisdom.

There may be equally important cultural factors in determining what constitutes human wisdom. Wisdom in one culture may be construed as trivial knowledge in another. In my culture, for example, the virtue of humility (which may be perceived as a sign of weakness in other cultures) is considered the core foundation of wisdom because it creates ample room to explore what we don’t know. Although the levels of wisdom in the elderly may be linked to factors such as age and types of life experiences, I believe that the depth or breath of wisdom largely depends on what one makes of one’s life.  Perhaps wisdom is both genetically inherited and experientially attained, in so far as one remains open-minded and allows it to evolve through the course of one’s life.

When Nothing is Certain, Everything is Possible

When Nothing is Certain, Everything is Possible….!

 

Yes – so much is possible in the world of uncertainty.

What we don’t know encompasses the world of possibility of knowing it all.

It’s a matter of digging it and digging it some more until we find it.

Without ever succumbing to the fear of the unknown, it is about facing up to the bleakness with a bold courage to excavate what’s hidden.

It is about being daring and continuing to move forward without having to know it all.

It is about being faithful to this moment which is so much more than what our future may hold.

 

Hidden Treasure

Life may not be fair but is certainly full of surprises. I am often awestruck by the culmination of life buried in the greatest virtue of all.  In countless encounters with people, I have come to learn and ascertain something so plain, yet profoundly potent.  What is constant in life is change but some things still remain constant.

It takes so little but sometimes a lifetime to become cognizant of the hallmark of our very existence, What’s even more striking to me is the very venue through which it emerges when I least expect it.

Paucity of life is not the absence of what we may or may not possess. It is hardly about what’s lacking or is deficient. To the contrary, the greatest tragedy of our life time is the state of our mind being inundated with excess of unnecessary extras of all sorts.

No wonder why children are the archetype of this truth- why their innate prudence never ceases to captivate my sullen mind and humbly make me drool….It leads me to a corollary that the most revered possesses the essence of a child. Their invincible magnificence is not found in the most decorated nor is it part of this mundane world. It can only be discerned through the bare lenses of simplicity.

In this era of almost everything ephemeral and vain, I can only embrace this epiphany: the most substantive is embedded in the most undecorated – the epitome of limpidness.

And this to me is what weighs the most and makes most sense right now.

Smile

Smile says a simple hello

Smile extends a warm welcome

Smile exchanges mutual understanding

Smile shares generosity

Smile embraces a comforting hug

Smile uplifts a marred spirit, even for momentarily

Smile speaks acceptance

Smile shines the dark and enlightens the blind

Smile bridges the unspoken chasm

Smile is the universal language transcending all human diversity

Smile comprehends all

Smile does it all, Touching us deeply by connecting us all

Smile just whispered its magic serendipitously

Secret to Success

In order to succeed,

You must know what you are doing,

Like what you are doing

and

Believe in what you are doing….

 

-Will Rogers